从意大利回来快10天了。复习之余，躺在床上又一次听到了「Visions of Gideon」，也许是复习带来的痛苦，抑或是对前路的迷茫，旋律和歌声响起之时，一下思绪万千。
Call Me By Your Name确实是部后劲很足的作品。第一次看应该是六年前了（很难想象，这部和我最热烈的青春一并出现的作品，已经六岁了），然而二刷确实在意大利等车前往Crema时才看完。可能因为当时处于旅途之中，更多关注的是取景地，也就没有从情绪上产生过多的共鸣，然而一两周之后突然想起却觉得神伤。
这个感受和我走在Bergamo老城，寻找他们存在过的痕迹时的心境是相同的——尽管是一部虚构的作品，但是故事发生在四五十年前（1983），因而真实与否已经不那么重要了，遗留下来的是那个象征着炽热而短暂的夏日的符号，一段情愫存在过的记忆。
在Bergamo的那天，初到时天很阴，下着小雨，看不到太阳。当然作品中所有在Bergamo出现的场景都是在夜晚，因而天气反而没那么重要了。小雨和冷风反而让当时的我更感受到了追寻回忆的寂寥和孤独感——40多年前的他们曾经在此有过一段如此热烈的爱情。我走在他们曾住过的酒店下，试图找到从他们卧室窗户看出去的同一面白墙和木窗，想象着，也许住在那里的就是他们。
当我给路人看剧照请求他们帮我拍照时，他们看着手机里的照片，惊喜地发现竟然是同一个地方，然而他们并不知道这是哪一部电影——这当然也无关紧要，就如同原贴般，我不介意只有我一个人珍重这段故事。
Crema时CMBYN的主要城市，在那里也碰到了几个同样是为了电影而来打卡的游客。也有可能是居住在这里的人吧。但是很神奇的是，遇到的都是中年男人，而非想象中的年轻人。我曾以为这是一部偏耽美一点的作品，但是可能比我想象的更同志片一些。
Crema很小，而且可能因为此处发生的情节更为初期，反而没有Bergamo带来的回想那么热烈。很漂亮、舒服的小镇。Bergamo有很多的游客，很热闹也很繁化，更像是热恋中的情侣，而Crema则是表达心意前夏日生活的一部分。
最先到的是Sirmione。到的那天天气很好。海洋，石窟，蓝天，绿草。是Elio和Oliver握手言和的地方，场景并不多，但是作为一个旅游景点却是相当值得一去。
You’re too smart not to know how rare, how special what you two had. He was more than intelligent. What you two had had everything and nothing to do with intelligence. You’re both lucky to have found each other. Because you two are good. I’m sure he said the same thing about you. It flatters you both. On your least expected, nature has cunning ways to find our weakest spot. Just remember, I’m here. Right now you may not wanna feel anything, maybe you never wanna feel anything, and maybe it’s not to me you wanna speak about these things, but, feel something you obviously did. Look, you had a beautiful friendship. Maybe more than a friendship. And I envy you. In my place, most parents would hope the whole thing goes away, or pray that their sons land on their feet. But, I am not such a parent. We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster, that we go bankrupt by the age 30. And have less to offer each time we start with someone new. But to make yourself feel nothing so as not to feel anything. What a waste! Have I spoken out of turn？ And I will say one more thing, it will clear the air. I may have come close, but I never had what you two have. Something always held me back or stood in the way. How you live your life is your business. Just, remember. Our hearts and our bodies are given to us only once, and before you know it, your heart’s worn out, and, as for your body, there comes a point when no one looks at it, much less wants to come near it. Right now, there is sorrow, pain. Don’t kill it. And with the joy you felt.